"Sorry, wala."

Kanina, while I was roaming around Quiapo, looking for pirated DVDs (sorry authorities! pag mayaman na po ako, original copies na po ang bibilhin ko), there was this lola na karay-karay ng isang batang babae, maybe her apo, and they are begging. In the corner of my eye, I saw them coming near me. Ayun na, kumalabit na si nene at nanghihingi ng limos. What I had in both pockets were 2 ube paper bills, 1 ninoy, 1 bente and not a single barya. Sa kalye, when I'm asked, sometimes I give, sometimes I don't: pag mahirap bumunot ng anda, pag wala akong barya o pag talagang nagmamadali ako. Pero always, as in always, I tell them in my politest way that I'm sorry. Back to the real story here.

I muttered "sorry" meaning hindi ako magbibigay. Nakakahiya naman pag hiningian ko siya ng sukli to my paper bills.

Kalabit ule.

I politely shook my head.

More kalabit.

"Sorry, wala."

To my surprise, biglang lumakas ang boses ni nene at sinabing (in Bisayan or Waray, i'm not sure, basta ganito ang thought),

"May pambili ka nga niyan ate, hindi ka man lang makapagbigay."

Touché.

Shi-noo away siya ni kuyang tindero. In short, umalis siya ng hindi ako nagbigay. A part of me ang gustong umalma dahil sa sinabi ng bata. "Ineng, hindi ko naman ata obligasyon na bigyan ang bawat pulubi sa daan ng limos. Hindi rin naman ako mayaman."
Pero a bigger part of me was screaming,

"Oo nga naman, tama nga naman 'tong bata na 'to." (sabay kutos sa sarili ko)

I am very much aware na kahit hindi rin naman ako mayaman, I am not deprived of my basic needs at kaunting luho sa katawan, na napakalaking swerte ko compared to that little girl and her lola. God wasn't smiling when I ignored these two people. I remembered the homily given by our parish priest weeks ago:
(again, not the exact words pero the thought was exactly this)

"Hanggang napapaisip ka, natitigatig at naaalarma to all the horrible things happening around you, there's still goodness in your heart. Ibig sabihin hindi ka bato. That's a good thing."

Why am I doing this post? 'Coz I had myself thinking afterwards, natigatig at naalarma naman ako with that little incident, with the girl asking for some help and with me ignoring them. That I realized nung umalis na silang maglola. In my heart, may kabutihan pa rin na nasa loob. The only problem is how I will be showing, giving and spreading this goodness in my heart.

To lola and the little chica, sorry! And I actually prayed for the two of you.
To myself, do better next time ineng!
:)