surprise surprise!

me with the 'cake' :)

with Day, my bestest friend in the face of the earth (ang promotor) and little James :)

the crybaby and the crylola hugging :)

Well, I kind of ruined it actually. But still! ;p

I can't remember of a birthday that I did not celebrate at home. On my way home yesterday, I feel so sad because I never wanted to celebrate my birthday in a bus with strangers. No one was wishing me a happy birthday. Yung konduktor, nung siningil ako ng pamasahe, hindi man lang ako binigyan ng discount. Yung mga kasabay ko sa bus, hindi man lang nagattempt kantahan ako ng Happy Birthday. Sana pala nung nagbayad ako ganito, "Pala-pala lang. Birthday ko." O kaya when I reached my stop "Para po, bababa na ang birthday girl." Parang tanga lang? I know! ;p

Basta, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, on my birthday, of all days! Muni-muni, emo-emo all the way to Cavite. Then finaleeee, I reached home. :) That's why doors are locked, that's why my sweet lola (the lookout) ran inside the house when I got off the jeepney and that's why little James shriek of panic and excitement when he saw me peeping through the window. I saw that their TV was on and that the Happy Birtday song was waiting to be played. I said to myself, oh right, they're gonna sing.

When they finally opened the door, there were lighted cakes (one was made of putok bread with my nickname written on top with Choco-choco, and made even sweeter by my favorite chocolate balls all over; the other one James himself made for me, Graham crackers with lots of chocnut on top) I do not eat Chocnut but had to because the little guy was just so sweet to do it, I'm not going to break his heart. When the birthday song and all the hugging ended, we were all crying and we did not know why, pointing fingers to who started the tears. I think I did, but put the blame on my loving Lola. :D

It was such a sweet sweet gesture and one of the simplest but most sincere things that people had ever done for me. My family is my birthday present. It felt wrong to ask for anything more. :)

Thanks to everyone who remembered and wished me a happy birthday. It was indeed a happy one. I love you!!! :)

Dwayne

I love you bebe Dwayne! You are one of Ninang's smiles. You just completed my day, little man. :)

for lack of sleep and anything else to do.

I only had 4 and a half hours of sleep. To some people 41/2 hours of sleep is more than enough to get them through the day, but to me, it's just not normal. I need 8 hours or more, but at 8:30 this morning, I could not go back to sleep anymore. Again, not normal.

So with nothing else to do before getting ready for work, I decided to watch DVDs. I thought about watching FRIENDS, because I figured Joey Tribbiani can make me cheer up a little bit. On second thought, I picked Grey's Anatomy because I am in the mood to cry. When doctors at Seattle Grace cut their patients open, I could only imagine the pain but it makes me cry. The sound of the machine when the patient's blood pressure drops and I know they are about to die, it makes me cry. When their loved-ones cry after they are told that the patient died while surgery, I cry with them. The point I was trying to make is I needed to watch Grey's because I needed a good cry.

And now I am writing. I am writing (and crying) for a coworker who was let go for reasons I will never understand. It had only been a few short months, but he became a friend. I am sad because it was tough and not understanding incomprehensible explanations make it even tougher. They could have warned him enough to give him time to prepare himself for what's about to happen. I am professional enough to understand that these things really happen. But in my own personal professional opinion, it was a hasty unwise decision. But if their aim was to send someone's self-esteem rocketing down, then they were never wrong to do it. How could they give up on people so quickly. I am sad and angry but I am still going to get dressed and go to work and suck it all up because I need this job at the moment even if it doesn't make me happy anymore.

I am grumpy. What do you expect, I only had 4 and a half hours of sleep.

ichokei. k?

It's only during those times that I feel so helpless and so useless that I get to pray, really pray. Forgive me, Love. God made me realize that it's okay to admit you're screwed up and have Him and others help you out. It's perfectly okay.

:)

JT my Labs

Kulot ka pa, mahal na kita! :D


"One of my biggest dreams is to actually watch one of his concerts live, in the front rows!" -Shashi, May 2008

Gaaaah! It happened! It would have been perfection if I had front row tickets. Hindi ko pa afford eh. The truth is 2 weeks before the concert, I reluctantly decided to not watch, thinking about bills and how expensive tickets are, then hearing rumors that Labs (oo, Labs talaga) will be shown only in LED screens, and thinking about expensive tickets ulet. A week before, I said I'll go to MOA grounds even when I don't have tickets, maybe I could still see the stage from afar and hear him sing. So abangers I know! I even invited my friend Liel to come be abangin with me :D We had no idea that then and there, we'll meet a tiwaling bouncer who's selling silver tickets way way lower than the actual price. Ikaw na ang pinakamachong bouncer sa buong mundo! :D Tawaran portion pa. Paying was like the ones we see shabu vendors and addicts do captured by XXX surveillance cams.

Watching Timbaland felt like an eternity to me. Si Labs lang naman talaga pinunta ko dun. And then he appeared! I was screaming with all the air in my lungs, and I knew my heart was in my eyes. My neck felt stiff and my legs were almost cramped from standing on toes and jumping-jumping, trying to see over the shoulders of tall people in front of us. Made me wish that I was taller or sana I had VIP tickets na lang pala. When he sang Until The End of Time in piano, ay sheeeet, birthday ko ba? :D

I would have been a fangirl full of regrets, that will last for 2 months if I had not gone to that concert. I remember getting into silly kantyawans about him when I was still in grade school. My classmate Ekka was Lance's fan and I was (I am and I will be) a solid JT fan. Years later, Lance admits he's gay. Look at that! :D

"One of my biggest dreams is for Labs to come back and marry me!" -Shashi, April 2010

Level up ang dreams! :D